With the current situation involving the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic, all of the advice and requirements coming out daily about self-isolation, and even quarantine in some cases, many separated parents are wondering about what they should do when it comes to access time between their kids and other parents if and when face-to-face access and contact isn’t a possibility.

This video isn’t about whether you should or when you can stop face-to-face access time with your kids’ other parents, and if you’re not sure about whether you can or should temporarily stop that access from happening, you should contact a family lawyer in your area for specific legal advice.

But let’s assume that we’re talking about a situation where in-person access just isn’t going to be happening for some period of time where both parents have either agreed to suspend in-person parenting time for someone, or you’re in a situation where it’s just not possible. What should happen in the meantime?

What I usually encourage my own clients to do is to start from a child-focused approach that really considers what’s going to be safe, fun, and meaningful for the kids. This will, most importantly, lead to better outcomes for the kids, and it can also help to demonstrate to the other parent, and to the court if you’re still litigating your case that you have a habit of acting responsibly, reasonably, and in a way that shows you can be trusted to put the kids’ needs first.

If you’re not coming from a situation where access is usually supervised or there are safety issues with the other parent, then it’s unlikely that even a total quarantine is going to be a reason to cut off contact between your kids and their other parent of course.

So what can you do if in-person contact won’t be happening for a while?

There are a lot of what I like to call “virtual access time” options available in today’s world. The most common and most obvious temporary replacement is video calling.

Facebook messenger, Apple’s Facetime, android video calls, Google hangouts, and Skype are a few platforms that have easy-to-use, free or low-cost video calling options that work really well to make sure the kids get to see their mom or dad even if they can’t be together for a while. Depending on your children’s ages, they may be perfectly able to call the other parent this way themselves. If they’re a bit young for that, you can always set up a phone, tablet, or laptop with a webcam on the floor or on a table so that the kids can play or draw while they talk to their other parent. This can encourage the call to go on a little bit longer and be more fun for the kids and more meaningful to the other parent.

Another great option for virtual access time can be internet gaming. If the kids have a PlayStation or Xbox at both parents’ homes, and they are the right age, they can play a game locally at your home while the other parent joins in the same game from wherever they are. If your kids are into video games, you might even have gaming headsets so that the kids can communicate live with the other parent during the game while they play as a team. This is a fantastic option and really can be a next best thing to being in the same room together for some fun time with the other parent, and can promote longer visits too since the kids are less likely to get bored than if they’re just on the phone talking about their day.

Another option that is less in-the-moment, but has its own benefits is to set up a dedicated e-mail account for communication between the kids and their other parent. Again, if your kids are older, they may be e-mailing the other parent independently through their own e-mail accounts or messaging through apps anyway, and if that’s the case their privacy should be respected. But again, if you have younger kids who shouldn’t be on the internet alone, a dedicated e-mail account is a great way for you to send artwork, drawings, and messages from the kids in a way that lets the other parent know instantly as soon as they see they message in their inbox that they’ve received something from the kids (as opposed to a message from you). Let the kids choose what they want to send and dictate the message that goes along with it, and make sure you let their other parent know in advance that you’re helping the kids send these messages so there’s no confusion later.

If you’re still in the process of going to court with temporary orders in place, there’s a good chance that your ex or the other parent who is not going to be seeing the kids is going to be upset and they may even wonder if you’re really acting in good faith. Your number one consideration should always be your children’s best interests – the courts have recognized time and time again that the best interests of children is always the primary consideration in cases involving custody and access. And you also want to make sure that you are demonstrating your good faith, child-focused approach to the court. You are not going to want to look like you were trying to take advantage of the current court closures if your actions are being scrutinized once we get back to normal. The key is to be reasonable, be flexible, be child-focused, and really do make sure you’re doing what you can to promote your child’s relationship with their other parent until the regular access and parenting time visits can resume.

Lastly, keep in mind that even with the current court closures, both the Ontario Court of Justice and Superior Court have put plans into place to ensure that in the most urgent situations, it’s still possible to file emergency motions that can be heard by teleconference if a judge agrees that your situation is truly urgent. My hope is that the ideas in this video might help give you some ideas that can lead to better communication and better negotiation about this issue between you and the other parent, so that nobody feels like they are in a situation where they are being completely shut out and have to ask the court to hear an emergency motion, and so that your kids can continue to have as much normalcy during this time as possible.

Again, if you’re in need of legal advice about your situation, please make sure you contact a lawyer in your area right away. Videos and articles like this one are just intended to provide you with some general advice and ideas, and can’t replace advice from a lawyer who knows your situation. If you’re in London, Canada you can reach my office at 519-488-5263 or toll-free at 1-866-428-1063. In the meantime, I wish you and your family all the best as you look for your best way forward.